why oh why am i so tired today?? too tired to capitalize. (letters or on oppertunities). c asked me how i was doing today, and naturally I said fine. then he asked me how i was actually doing. you know, i actually had to stop and think about it. i mean, i statred to say, "oh, yopu know, busy as usual" or some of that kind of bullshit, but then i kind of realized that that was just another programed respons, and so i actually considered the question. how the hell am i? do i even still exist under this huge pile of crap that keeps me perpetually moving from point a to b too fast and frantic to stop and feel lost? i almost cried. i feel like a walking to do list.

(me/todo)
homework - poli sci readings, irelevant french excersizes, et al.
taxes
but first, figure out finances - I fucking hate money
get together the last of school books - buy/photocopy as neccessary
pull off mom's birthday dinner bruhaha with sisters
coordinate mom's birthday tea party with friends
laundry
get over identity crisis
buy groceries
vacuum
get c to go to school without making him hate me
visit coeur
see chiropractor
see doctor
write a "response"
get happy
sleep
and i'm sure i'll keep myself up tonight adding to this list. how can i possibly need a fricking holiday already and why does 2003 look like it has no intention of being anymore peaceful than 2002?? i suppose mom was right all along -- life just ain't fair.