#2 But people are also very dissapointing. I was catching up on Coeur's webpage after w eek or so's absence, and I noticed a new link, one that I'd seen before, but also one I'd seen removed before. How strange, I thought to myself, that K would have a link to R's webpage up again even though he swore he'd shut down his page and stopped reading all of ours as a step towards making amends for all that went wrong. very wrong. But there's this little link. But R had promised he wouldn't be in contact (really how much can any sane almost 40 year old want to fuck with the lives of a bunch of young twenty-somethings... and for how long?) and I couldn't help but be dismayed that he'd broken his word already. Well, so much for increasing your chance at a resurgenece of trust.

And then, flipping by, I saw my name. Okay, not my name, my character's name from our old d&d game and my initial. And i thought fuck, doesn't everyone just own a little piece of you. And he says that I said hurtful things. Lemme explain something here. I don't trust people all that easily, and when it comes to male friends, I am always on defense against the inevitable "hey baby" bullshit. Everyone has a different approach to it, but it's really all the same. Someone happens to be attracted to you, for whatever reason, and all of the sudden it's your problem. R was our DM (dungeon master) and the step-father of one of my new friends. He was nice, he was safe (c'mon, my friend;s dad?) and I trusted him. This is not normal behavior for me. I am usually even more defensive around older guys, especially after my little sister's dad, and a certain 28 year old when I was fourteen, and a few other of the sort (Coeur's older brother even). Anyways, I do not trust men, especially not older ones. But R just never gave me reason to feel that I had to be defensive that way. I felt relaxed, and, stupidly, I trusted.