Panic as a way to start the day.
I wake up. THUMP. With my first breath, my heart jumps. From there it's all what day is it?what am I doing today?am I up in time?where do I have to get to?am I forgetting something? and there's always some new thing to be nervous about so it's like my natural relaxation cycle has broken down.

Always some next new thing and always something changing. My schedule changes so often I can never remember until I look where I'll be and what I'll be doing. Guaranteed the moment someone asks me what my schedule is, it's already changing even if I don't know it yet.

Constant inconsistency.

New desk. New school. New role. New whole set of madness to wrap myself around. Just call me guinea pig - reee reeeee. sigh.

I'm off now, because nothing can wait.

..eight days a week...