But at this point, I'll do whatever it takes, so here we go:

Oh Americans, our neighbours to the South, I know we don't agree on gay marriage, or laws regarding weed, and I know you don't like being told what to do but at this point, the whole world is begging you: Don't sentence us all to another four years of this war-mongering maniac. We have enough problems without your village idiot running around starting wars for corporate interests. Please understand, it's in your best interest too, for if you should re-elect him, more of your sons will die over seas, the middle class will continue to carry the bulk of the tax burden, and you will have to watch your global influence recede. Please summon what intellect a misguided public education system has yet to destroy, and go vote for John Kerry, because he may be a Liberal Pussy, he may be a Northern intellectual, but at least he's not George Bush.
Amen.

And since I am ever the eternal optimist, and since I was so accurate in predicting the outcome of our last election (really, I was), here's my call:
the popular vote goes to Bush, but a majority of electoral college votes mean that the presidency goes to... MICKEY MOUSE

oh wait, I mean, Kerry.