where's your head at?
caution: venting, contents under pressure

There, that should be a sufficient number of disclaimers.

I am going through seperation anxiety, trying to write three papers, feeling estranged from pretty much everyone, worried about work and can't even face the prospect of... well, I don't know, sanity maybe?

C has gone home after being at my place for almost a week, and every time he leaves it seems stupider and I feel lonlier and wonder why we put ourselves through this.

I am writing two papers right now that are due next week and then another one directly after that. So far I have only just started researching the first one, but they all seem dull and trivial, like just another hurdle to jump before I get any level of personal autonomy, and suffice to say they are making me miserable, and certainly contributing to bitch #3...

I love you all. I know you don't believe me, but I do. Sh, I am sorry I haven't called. I want to and will, but what's the point until I have time to hang out? Nat, I haven't sent you b-day present yet. I haven't even gotten it all yet, and I feel very guilty about this and swear it is smack at the very top of my priority list as soon as I get this paper situation under control. Mom, I'm sorry I didn't make it for dinner last night. I'm sorry I might not make it next week. It's not because I don't care. K, M, K, S, and all else, I can't make time commitments, I'm sorry (phrase 'o the week!) I know you are all trying to make Halloween plans, and pleas ego ahead, but count me out. It things go absurdly well between now and then, I may have time to pop by, but for now, I can promise nothing. J, take a number. Maybe the week after next? Uhg. Sorry... And Coeur, I'm sorry I didn't have time to call back last night. I was at the library and then burried under books. Plus I knew you wouldn't like what I had to say...

I'm not working this week. Given my time dilema, this is a good thing, so long as it is merely because they overshifted this week, and not for any more sinster reasons... I've been there for over six months now, so they would have to have grounds to fire me, right?

And yeah. I was reading my sister's blog today, and realized that I'm avoiding my family, and whn I do see them, it's all about keeping the peace. I'm not even sure we really know eachother anymore, and that's really depressing. Not like I have time to fix it though. sigh.

That's where I'm at. I guess I'd better get back to work, since I'm nin class again in just over two hours and between now and then have to do a french composition, edit a script and find journal articles for my gender gap paper. Good thing I've found a way to survive without food... oh wait, no, I haven't, I just wish I had. Maybe even without food or sleep, then maybe I'd have time to...