I don't know just exactly what it is - stress, transition, anxiety... - but I'm stuck in this funk. It's been a good couple of weeks now actually, and all I want to do is lay on the couch and sleep. I feel like such the opposite of my usual proactive self. I mean, I'm going through the motions during the day - school, errands, family, whatever - but on some deeper level I just feel tired and, well, that's the part I don't know. Tired and what? Melancholy? Not quite. Apathetic? Fatigued? Discontented? I just can't quite put my finger on it. When I come home at the end of the day, I can barely convince myself to do any school work, cook dinner, do dishes, even hop in the shower. I just feel so demotivated, but I'm not sure why. On some level, everything is peachy - I'm doing what I want to do, and you'd think that would be exciting, but something's not connecting. I end up just wanting to disengage.

I think it certainly doesn't help that there's no corner of the future that I can take refuge in. No room for manouvering, no rest for the wicked, and so forth. I'll be in school all summer, and not only should I be applying for teaching jobs in the fall, but I should also be seriously thinking about finding some kind of job right now. Otherwise, I'm not sure this whole summer will happen at all. But I'm not. And when I think about it, I just want to cry. I can't even expalin it to myself, let alone anyone else, so I've been trying to hide it but sonner or later it's going to start showing whether I like it or not. Or maybe it won't, just because I started to think that it might be a good thing if it did, because then it might make sense to someone.

I don't think any of this actually makes any sense, but at least maybe this explains why even post-practicum this blog continues to be neglected. I'm just way too... something.